I somewhat know the pattern of how my happiness fluctuates. When something exciting or new is happening, I can almost say I'm happy. The anticipation of a potential change in my life makes me happy, because it could mean big change. I could meet someone who I can trust and call a true friend, I could find a new activity I enjoy, etc. I was excited last week because a boy wanted me to go to his party. And I liked that boy, for a while anyways. I was so excited that maybe he would like me and we could be less lonely together. But it turns out he doesn't like me and he doesn't  try to contact me anymore. I shouldn't be surprised, and I shouldn't be disappointed. He makes some poor decisions and that's not something I need in my life, or not right now anyways. Anyways, it would have been nice to have someone care, even if for a little while only.
Right now, I have nothing to look forward to but instead an exam to dread. If something good were to be happening this weekend, I could force myself to study and do my best on my exam out of hope that my hard work would pay off. But there is nothing new this weekend. Just a solitary couple of days at home. So I will continue to push my studying off until the last minute, get a terrible grade, and be upset. I wish that I could change that, you would think that I could since I am completely aware of what I am doing, but it doesn't seem to work like that. I know I'm procrastinating but I do it anyways. I just need something, anything really, to look forward to so I can focus on getting through another week. Please let there be something soon.